Commentary
The unquestioning adulation of an infatuated young person can be very alluring, and ministers are not immune from sexual attraction for those whom they serve. To complicate matters, American popular culture encourages young people to “grow up” quickly. Material affluence, provocative clothing styles and the trend toward using make-up at an early age can create the illusion of maturity in a young person. But while popular culture often equates physical and emotional maturity, those in ministry must know the difference.
Youth ministers have the same needs as other human beings, but it is crucial that we not look to young people to fulfill those needs. If we are to be free to minister youth, we must not develop an unhealthy dependence on them. Following are some ways in which those in ministry can care for themselves so that they can more effectively serve young people:
- Schedule regular time off and stick to it. If you are to properly serve young people you need to get away from them once in awhile. Gently but firmly teach the youth to respect your private time. Of course, there will be unplanned times when you need to be present to a young person, but afterwards make sure you take compensatory time away from work.
- Develop interests outside of youth ministry. Church work can absorb one’s whole life, if one lets it. Seek out social and recreational opportunities in the community in which you live, and get away from town occasionally.
- Develop relationships outside of youth ministry. While youth ministry is a form of friendship with youth, it is not the kind of balanced friendship an adult can only have with another adult. Seek out healthy adult friendships that nurture and support you both personally and as a minister.
- Those in full time ministry are encouraged to maintain a relationship with a spiritual director. Seek a director with whom you are comfortable, one who is empathetic, experienced, and insightful and one who has a healthy appreciation of his or her own spiritual journey. A good spiritual director is an invaluable asset for anybody in ministry.
- If a situation arises in which you question your objectivity, or the appropriateness of your actions, you should seek the counsel of a qualified mental health professional. If you ever feel compelled to act in a way which you know to be unhealthy, inappropriate or illegal, remove yourself immediately from the ministerial situation and seek professional counseling.