Commentary
Those who minister to young people have an obligation to act with personal integrity in all their dealings, but it is also important to avoid even the impression of impropriety. For their own protection, and to help maintain a comfortable environment for the youth whom they serve, ministers should always be aware of the impression they create. Certain professional habits can help protect the integrity of one’s ministry.
- Do not spend an unusual amount of time alone with any individual young person. Too much time spent with one person may give an unhealthy impression either to that young person or to others who become aware of the imbalance of attention.
- Be aware of your limitations regarding confidentiality. If a young person says, “If I tell you something do you promise not to tell anyone else” (or similar), say at once that you are required by law to report anything that would lead you to believe that harm may come to someone. This message can be delivered effectively without being offensive. Pastoral caregivers are not protected by any laws regarding confidentiality. Federal law mandates that you must disclose relevant information in the following situations, without exception:
- Reports or investigations of suspected child abuse or neglect and suspected abuse or neglect of an impaired adult
- Medical emergencies
- Imminent threat or danger to the client (the young person, in this case) or others
- Certainly there are times when privacy is necessary, such as during one-on-one mentoring or pastoral counseling. The kind of pastoral counseling youth ministers do is generally informal, but even so it is still a function of professional ministry and should be done in a professional manner. It is good policy to have parameters in any counseling situation, such as:
- Use a space which provides privacy, but which also suggests a professional atmosphere. If the meeting is done in the minister’s office, the office door should have a window, with one or both persons visible from the outside.
- Arrange the meeting space so that you and the young person are a comfortable distance apart.
- Let another person (perhaps the church secretary) know when you are about to begin and when you have ended the session. If possible, this person should see the young person leave.
- Have a set beginning and ending time for the session. If it is necessary to go beyond the set time, inform another person of the change in schedule.
- Immediately following the session, make notes that include the time and date of the session and appropriate comments.
- If you meet outside of regular office hours, especially in the evening, it is best not to meet in your office or your home. A public place, such as a restaurant, may suit your purpose.
- Be judicious in your use of physical affirmation. Sometimes a crying young person needs to be affirmed, but not always. Sometimes the need is simply for a safe space in which to express feelings. Good pastoral care should not include hugging unless the young person has requested such contact. Even then, the hug should be brief. Generally, a touch of your hand upon theirs or a hand upon the shoulder of a young person can serve as adequate physical affirmation. Be familiar as well with the power of words and know how to express compassion, sorrow, and support verbally.
- Know when to end the relationship. If you feel the young person has developed an unhealthy attraction to you, or vice versa, it would be best to refer him or her to another person. Also, know your limitations. If you think the issues being raised go beyond the scope of pastoral counseling, you should refer the young person to a qualified mental health professional. Young people are at a stage of continuous emotional development and upheaval and can easily become infatuated with caring adults. These attractions are a normal part of growing up and are a cause for concern when they go too far. Knowing when to end a relationship is of paramount importance.
Related Policies
7.1 Everyone involved in youth ministry is to maintain appropriate physical and emotional boundaries in their work with young people.